Something must be afoot ...

I've been coveting a pair of Trippen shoes for ages. They're weird, architectural, and really groovy. I finally bought a pair today - on sale, but still expensive, and the closest things to designer shoes I've ever had. So I was wearing them around the flat happily.


I decided out of boredom to glance at what else was in the shoe box: a little package of talc in case the insoles squeaked in the shoes, and two full A4 pages full of tiny type, containing, among many other salient points, the following nuggets of information (suffering a bit for the translation from German). Read on - they get better and better:

'Please be aware of sharp objects and edges and please avoid dirt, moisture and direct sunlight as this can damage the shoes.'

'When buying your shoes please make sure that they are neither too loose or too tight and only wear the shoes with socks of the same thickness.'

'Do not wear light coloured socks in dark or coloured shoes and take extra care with your clothing. If you have worn the shoes barefoot the dye can usually be removed with soap. If the dye has stained your feet permanently, your skin type is not suitable for our dark or coloured leather. In this case please choose a leather in a light colour like nature, white or perla.'

'All chrome-tanned leather are unsuitable for people with chrome allergies. In case of a chrome allergy please only take shoes made from vegetable-tanned leather into consideration.'

'Please avoid any surfaces with sharp edges like stone beaches or mountain paths, and also avoid metal grids or hot tarmac as it will destroy the rubber soles. Avoid any activities such as kneeling as otherwise the rim can be damaged and parts of the sole may come off.'

'Please keep in mind that all our soles are made from rubber and might become electrical charged.'

'Please take extra care on wet, icy or badly soiled surfaces as well as on sandy ground or wet tiles and be aware of any objects you could slip on like wet leaves, banana peel, garbage, oil, etc.'

[They briefly interject to warn that the soles of their 'Penna' line, which I did not buy, are 'usable structures that should be treated this way - any misapplication can harm you and damage the soles.' Uh, are we still talking about shoes?]

'All Trippen shoes are designed for European 'norm feet' with average width and people with an average body weight.'

'Our shoes cannot be recommended for people with strong foot perspiration or aggressive sweat, as sweat can dissolve dye from the leather, which can shorten the life span of the shoes as a whole drastically.'

'Zips are nice and practical, but when buying a style with zips please make sure that the shoes are not too tight. No tension must be applied to the zips as otherwise they might break.'

'Please be patient and open any fastenings on your shoes completely before putting them on and be careful with zips, laces or buckles. Please note that with too much tension applied the zips, laces or eyelets might snap.

And the grand finale:

'As much as you love your shoes, it is best not to wear them every day, but rather only every third day, so in between the leather can dry completely. Constant use can reduce the life span of your shoes drastically!'

What the hell??? It's utterly absurd - it's an anti-sales-pitch. I have no recourse if anything goes wrong as they've basically absolved themselves of any responsibility for the quality of their shoes. I almost wonder if the company is having a joke - do I just lack a sense of humour? Cause this has pretty much made me decide to return them. What would you do ... take a chance and risk an expensive mistake, or take 'em back and move on?